If you remember, in my letter From Conditioning to Consciousness: Why People Do What They Do, we discussed the circle of conditioning. Few of the readers expressed the usefulness of that discussion. So, thanks for the feedback.
In that letter, this was the key image for our understanding of why people do what they do:
The image makes the abstract tangible.
Cuts through complex words.
Using images is the most straightforward way we know to inculcate interpersonal qualities such as a sense of empathy, collaboration, active listening, boundaries, and whatnot. A sentiment beautifully conveyed in this short YouTube video What is Art for?
On the same lines, let’s look at what the conflict looks like.
The triangle of conflict
Yes, that’s a conflict in its material shape.
Notice the shape.
It is a triangle shape.
The triangle shape is known to have these properties:
- Structural stability
- Equilibrium or tension
- Resistance to change
- Interconnectedness
- Symmetry
Aren’t these properties also present in a conflict?
The three sides
When a conflict arises, there are three sides to it: opposing opinions, strong emotions, and high stakes.
The funny thing is that, if you see a conflict between two people, it will be very difficult to understand which of the triangle sides manifested first: the opposing opinions, strong emotions, or high stakes.
There is no particular order.
This triangle of conflict also showcases the same properties as the triangle shape:
Structural stability, equilibrium or tension, resistance to change, interconnectedness, and symmetry.
These properties make it difficult to solve any conflict.
But there is a solution
Most people tend to add more people, add more emotions, add more time, etc. And hope to resolve a conflict.
When you want to resolve a conflict, you don’t add but remove.
Our goal in conflict resolution is to break the triangle.
How?
We have to remove any one of the sides and the triangle is no more a triangle.
The key is to identify which side is weak and work on it.
How does it look like in action?
Imagine your team is working on an important project.
And two of your team members disagree (opposing opinions) on the timeline of their work delivery, feel stressed (strong emotions), and worry that they will be made accountable (high stakes) when they’re unable to deliver on time.
Instead of adding factors that intensify their opinions, heighten their emotions, or raise their stakes, a manager/coworker should identify which of their concerns can be fully nullified.
All these tough tasks become easy by developing an ear, inculcating our capacity to give up on people, and understanding that emotional labor is the secret ingredient to working in the new world.
Is this practical?
It is not a theory. It will work if you do the work.
Naturally, it takes a little bit of self-awareness and practice for this understanding to translate into action.
Try it and let me know how it worked for you.
So, Reader, how did you find today’s letter?
Did this conflict triangle reveal something about your past/present conflict?
Hit Reply and share with me.
Reads of the week:
What happens when you start using abstract words to show deep wisdom?
This Deepak Chopra quote generator happens!
Someone put together words from the famous motivational speaker Deepak Chopra’s tweets in a generator. The program selects random words together from his tweet and it uncannily sounds like Deepak Chopra himself.
I’m stunned by the simplicity and interactivity of this website. This particular piece walks us through simple principles in ship-building and the process is beautiful.
I’ve always been fascinated by the idea of seafaring and traveling via ships.
The author of this website, Bartosz has also created other such explanations of everyday things. Must visit.