If you tell me you never had any conflict with anyone in your work, I won’t believe you.
It is just impossible.
By conflict, I don’t mean punching people in the face. Street-fighter style. Not that. But conflict means subtle disagreement in the team or a fiery debate on what should be the deadline. That sort of thing.
The essence of life is in navigating through conflicts. Painting: The Storm on the Sea of Galilee​ |
Workspace is the best self-actualization laboratory (probably after marriage??) in the world.
If you remember, we had discussed The triangle of conflict and how to break it a few weeks back. It was a good start and some of the readers have provided me with resonant feedback. I thank you for that.
Instead of concentrating on an abstract model, today’s letter talks about understanding your style. Your style of responding to a conflict.
CEO, Clerk, Typist, Artist, Coder, or Accountant: no matter what our job title might be, all of us have a few predictable styles when we are in the middle of a conflict.
There are five styles. They were developed by Dr. Ronald Kraybill in the 1980s. It is also termed the Kraybill Conflict Style Inventory. I came across this a few years ago and I have found it useful since then.
Who are you: Lion, Owl, Fox, Tortoise or Bear?
Haha, not exact animals, but some of their qualities.
For ease of understanding, the following images are taken from Ronald Kraybill’s “Style Matters” by Riverhouse ePress Publication
Your style is dependent on two things:
- How much do you focus on your agenda
- How much do you focus on the relationship with whom you are working
These are the basic styles developed by Kraybill. There is more to it than just these images. So, I hope you take it in that spirit.
There is no ideal style
If I told you I like mangoes but dislike strawberries. Or I like the Sony brand and not the Microsoft brand. You can’t judge my preferences. There is no ideal answer.
Same thing with the conflict response style. We have one or two style preferences and that’s it.
Can you imagine this guy shining as a diplomat?
No right?
He shouldn’t waste his talent in the wrong place.
Knowing your conflict response style is the first step to making the most of it. The point is not to try to change it.
Then what to do by knowing your style
Two things:
- To create circumstances that support your style
- To identify people’s styles by observation
That’s more than a lifetime’s work. But incredibly fulfilling work.
Take the Conflict Response Style Test
Kraybill’s Conflict Style Inventory is a work of psychology. It is difficult to look at the five styles and mumble “Ahmm..ahmm..that sounds like me.”
Kraybill’s 5-page test with the interpretation is still not free to access. I have its copy, let me know if you’re interested and I will email it to you. (I know I know, I could have uploaded and linked it here. But that will make me a public pirate. Since this letter will live on the web forever.)
By the way, you can also purchase it here for $49 from their official website.
How do you deal with conflicts at work? Is there anything that has helped you in resolving your conflicts?
Hit Reply and share it with me.
Reads of the week:
The full thread is here: https://twitter.com/shekfu/status/1740523952362135662
Three weeks back, I came across this X Thread, and it is the best piece of reading I have had in a looong time. The small-time novelist named Devon teaches Emmett about how destructive his ideas could be.
If you don’t know who Emmett is, you’re in for a surprise. OpenAI, the largest AI company, in the world had appointed Emmett Shear as the interim CEO when Sam Altman was fired during the high-voltage developments a few months back. (Remember around November 2023?)
Whenever I come across this type of exchange, I realize that we need to pay some attention to the development of children who are ultra-wealthy and privileged. They don’t need to feel guilty for their fortune and they don’t need to play fair. Their function in society is to catalyze goodness, production, work opportunities, and technological progress.